Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing: A Memoir
The BELOVED STAR OF FRIENDS takes us behind the scenes of the hit sitcom and his struggles with addiction in this “CANDID, DARKLY FUNNY...POIGNANT” memoir (The New York Times) A MOST ANTICIPATED BOOK by Time, Associated Press, Goodreads, USA Today, and more! “Hi, my name is Matthew, although you may know me by another name. My friends call me Matty. And I should be dead.” So begins the riveting story of acclaimed actor Matthew Perry, taking us along on his journey from childhood ambition to fame to addiction and recovery in the aftermath of a life-threatening health scare. Before the frequent hospital visits and stints in rehab, there was five-year-old Matthew, who traveled from Montreal to Los Angeles, shuffling between his separated parents; fourteen-year-old Matthew, who was a nationally ranked tennis star in Canada; twenty-four-year-old Matthew, who nabbed a coveted role as a lead cast member on the talked-about pilot then called Friends Like Us. . . and so much more. In an extraordinary story that only he could tell—and in the heartfelt, hilarious, and warmly familiar way only he could tell it—Matthew Perry lays bare the fractured family that raised him (and also left him to his own devices), the desire for recognition that drove him to fame, and the void inside him that could not be filled even by his greatest dreams coming true. But he also details the peace he’s found in sobriety and how he feels about the ubiquity of Friends, sharing stories about his castmates and other stars he met along the way. Frank, self-aware, and with his trademark humor, Perry vividly depicts his lifelong battle with addiction and what fueled it despite seemingly having it all. Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing is an unforgettable memoir that is both intimate and eye-opening—as well as a hand extended to anyone struggling with sobriety. Unflinchingly honest, moving, and uproariously funny, this is the book fans have been waiting for.
A Candid and Compelling Story of Addiction and Recovery
"Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing: A Memoir" by Matthew Perry is a raw and honest account of the actor's personal struggles with addiction and recovery. The book offers a unique perspective into the life of a celebrity grappling with the pressures of fame, addiction, and the pursuit of happiness.
Unflinching Honesty:
Perry's writing is refreshingly candid and unflinchingly honest. He doesn't shy away from detailing his darkest moments, including his multiple stints in rehab and the toll addiction took on his personal and professional life. This transparency creates a sense of vulnerability and connection, allowing readers to empathize with Perry's struggles and journey towards recovery.
Beyond the Headlines:
The book goes beyond the public persona of Chandler Bing, offering a deeper look into the man behind the character. Perry explores his childhood experiences, relationships, and internal conflicts, providing a more complete understanding of his motivations and vulnerabilities. This introspective approach allows readers to see Perry not just as a celebrity, but as a human being with flaws and struggles.
Humor and Hope:
Despite the heavy subject matter, Perry's writing retains a sense of humor and wit. He uses anecdotes and self-deprecating humor to lighten the mood and provide moments of levity throughout the book. This balance between darkness and light makes the memoir even more poignant, showcasing Perry's resilience and determination in the face of adversity.
Beyond Personal Struggles:
"Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing" is not just about addiction. It touches upon broader themes of love, loss, self-discovery, and the search for meaning. Perry's reflections on these universal experiences resonate with readers, regardless of their own personal experiences.
Strengths:
- Raw and honest writing: Perry's transparency makes the book relatable and engaging.
- Unique perspective: Offers an insider's look into the world of Hollywood and the challenges of celebrity.
- Humor and hope: Despite the dark subject matter, the book is filled with moments of humor and optimism.
- Universal themes: Relates to broader themes of addiction, love, loss, and self-discovery.
Weaknesses:
- Limited focus on recovery: The book primarily focuses on Perry's struggles with addiction, with less detail on his ongoing recovery process.
- Some pacing issues: The narrative can occasionally feel uneven, with some sections lacking depth or detail.
Overall Impression:
"Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing" is a captivating and insightful memoir that offers a candid glimpse into the life and struggles of Matthew Perry. Through his honest and humorous writing, Perry inspires hope and understanding for those facing similar challenges. While the book may not delve deeply into the nuances of recovery, it provides a valuable and relatable account of addiction and the human journey towards healing.
Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
Recommendation: Highly recommended for fans of Matthew Perry, those interested in addiction and recovery stories, and anyone seeking a candid and inspiring memoir.
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Matthew Perry, Author & Actor 
A Journey Through Laughter, Struggles, and Redemption
Early Life and Education: Matthew Langford Perry, born on August 19, 1969, in Williamstown, Massachusetts, embarked on a journey that would intertwine laughter, fame, and personal battles. His parents' separation at a young age led him to be raised by his mother, Canadian journalist Suzanne Marie Morrison, and Canadian broadcast journalist stepfather, Keith Morrison. Perry's early years were marked by transitions between Ottawa, Toronto, and Montreal. A rebellious phase emerged during adolescence, accompanied by struggles with identity and alcohol, ultimately shaping the path to adulthood. Perry's pursuit of tennis excellence collided with the allure of acting, leading him to study at Buckley School in Sherman Oaks, Los Angeles.
Career Beginnings (1979–1993): Perry's foray into the entertainment world commenced with small roles in shows like "240-Robert" (1979) and "Second Chance" (1987–1988). Early appearances in films like "A Night in the Life of Jimmy Reardon" (1988) hinted at the talent that would captivate audiences. The '90s saw Perry in sitcoms like "Sydney" (1990) and "Home Free" (1993), laying the groundwork for his breakthrough.
Breakthrough with "Friends" (1994–2004): Matthew Perry's career catapulted to unprecedented heights with his iconic portrayal of Chandler Bing in the sitcom "Friends" (1994–2004). The show's colossal success made Perry an international celebrity, earning him accolades and a permanent place in pop culture. During this period, Perry ventured into films like "Fools Rush In" (1997) and "The Whole Nine Yards" (2000), showcasing his versatility.
Later Work (2005–2022): Post-"Friends," Perry embraced diverse roles in projects like "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip" (2006–2007), "Numb" (2007), and "The Ron Clark Story" (2006). His journey included ventures into stage productions and directing. Perry's return to TV with "Go On" (2012) and "The Odd Couple" reboot (2015–2017) reaffirmed his enduring presence in the industry. His memoir, "Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing," published in 2022, added a literary dimension to his legacy.
Health Struggles and Advocacy: Parallel to his professional achievements, Perry faced battles with addiction, candidly sharing his struggles. A commitment to recovery transformed him into an advocate for rehabilitation and a voice against substance abuse. Perry's philanthropic efforts extended to lobbying for drug courts and establishing the Perry House rehab center.
Legacy and Final Moments: Matthew Perry's unexpected passing on October 28, 2023, marked the end of an era. His "Friends" co-stars and a multitude of celebrities paid tribute, highlighting the profound impact he had on both colleagues and fans. Perry's funeral on November 3, 2023, brought together loved ones, emphasizing the enduring bonds forged during his lifetime.
In the annals of entertainment history, Matthew Perry's name remains etched as a talented actor, a resilient soul, and a beacon of hope for those navigating the tumultuous seas of addiction. The laughter he shared on screen and the battles he fought off-screen contribute to a legacy that transcends the fleeting nature of fame.
Before I write any more of my review - I want to point out that I am 99.9% certain I read a Kindle version that was edited to remove whatever there was about Keanu. So if someone is reading my review wondering why I don't mention it, I cannot comment on what I did not read. --- One more observation, from the reviews I did look through, it seems that most people who *listened* to the book disliked it more than those who *read* it. Seems listening to it make it more difficult to follow the already jumping timeline. Again, just my observation.
From the beginning Matthew tells us how this story is going to be written/told. How? you ask? "Groundhog Day" is his favorite movie, do I really need to say anything more? If you do not understand this reference, please take the time (1 hour and 40 minutes) to watch the 1993 classic movie with Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell. Then perhaps more things will make sense for you.
Thankfully I have never been an alcoholic or an addict, however, I have known several in my life. For them every day is groundhog day. Every morning the question of, "How will I get through today without a drink/pill/smoke/etc." makes every 24 hours the same. Matthew shows that in spades with his repetition throughout his story. Many of the reviews I saw complained about the repetition; if they don't understand it, perhaps they should count themselves lucky not to. To have never known someone who lives every day like this; or to not be that person themselves.
Matthew's story didn't end all sunshine-and-rainbows with a happily every after. Not everyone's does. I appreciated the fact that he kept it real. That he kept it honest. That he shows his faults to us just as much as he shows us the goodness. Life isn't always polished and pretty no matter who you are or how much money you have. Matthew proves that. No matter how bad things seemed to be for him, Matthew always looked to his future, he always wanted to be there. Perhaps not always for the right reasons, but reasons that kept him moving forward nonetheless. There is something to be admired about that.
Interestingly, one of my favorite lines reads, "God looked down on me, just waiting it out. He's got all the time in the world. F*<k, he invented time." There is something raw and honest and scary and funny in those words that just made me stop reading and literally highlight it in my Kindle book. Follow that with another line I highlighted that reads, "It was an amazing moment and a terrible moment all at at the same time." Talk about defining life most days. Perhaps not Pulitzer winning writing, but powerful and truthful just the same.
I have to say my all-time favorite sentence is this one - "God is everywhere - you just have to clear your channel, or you'll miss it." Doesn't matter what version of God you believe in, that sentence has a profound truth to it. (That one got highlighted in pink) Not something I would have expected from Matthew. But I am grateful he wrote it.
I am easily giving this book all five stars for it's raw honesty, it's openness, it's imperfectness. Just like Matthew.
Yes, I finally read his story after his sudden death on October 28, 2023. As I'm writing this on November 24, 2023, his cause of death still has not been determined nor released. Which makes one last sentence stand out for me in a premonition kind of way as I wonder what COD will turn out to be... Matthew himself wrote, "I could have a cigarette right now, have a heart attack, and if no one was around to call 911, I was a goner." Well, he was home alone, and he did try to call 911 himself, but he was unable to save himself this time. Oh, Matthew.
I wonder if you have finally found peace and all the deep, full Love you have always desired. Thank You for leaving a light on for us with your story. I pray it helps more people so that you may continue helping people even after you've gone on ahead of us in death.
I'm not a drinker but I do understand when he said it was the only time he "felt" normal. Being from a family where my father was an alcoholic it led me to much more understanding of why he was the way he was. But my father didn't want help. Matthew did unknowingly and knowingly.
My son has Asperger's and all OTC and prescribed medication affects him opposite as it does others.
I've enjoyed this book in understanding the cause and effects of his life.
I'm very thankful this book has helped me move past my fathers issues and since my dad passed away 2 years ago of lung to liver to spine metastatic cancer, I can finally put to rest my wonder about why he did drink when he did. No this wasn't my father's story...but it was also a man I thought and still think was wonderful!!! Inside and out.
And I rarely read autobiographies, or what people usually call "memoirs" nowadays. I usually am reading true-crime books, in particular those about serial killers. I did read "C'mon, Get Happy: Fear and Loathing on the Partridge Family Bus" (CGH) from David Cassidy in 2021 and I actually liked Mr. Cassidy LESS after reading his memoir. I kind of wish I wouldn't have read CGH and just remembered him instead from his time on the show. It's just that I found Mr. Cassidy to be a bit of a braggart while reading and while I finished CGH I was struggling to even care towards the end. I'm guessing that Susan Dey felt the same. Ahem.
Now, rarely does Matthew Perry "brag" during "Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing: A Memoir" (FLB) about himself. He does discuss how much money he made during filming of "Friends," and I don't have a problem with that, mostly because he discusses how David Schwimmer actually was instrumental in negotiating a great deal for the entire cast and not just for Mr. Schwimmer. In reality Mr. Perry is far more self-deprecating in FLB than Mr. Cassidy is in CGH. Mr. Perry doesn't seem to hide much when it comes to his struggles with addiction and if he does underplay it, well, he must be REALLY bad. Mr. Perry discusses how he was taking up to 55 pain killers a day and that is extreme. For those who don't know, pain killers tend to dry you out and slow down digestion so I have no idea how someone could take that many for any length of time and survive.
Well, Mr. Perry almost didn't survive.
Mr. Perry was rushed by a friend from one of his many stints in rehab to the hospital and the people running the rehab facility tried to stop him. If they had been successful Mr. Perry surely would've died. Heck, he still should've died in the hospital even though he had probably the best care that money could buy. From memory he said that only "two percent of people survive on the machine required to keep him alive," and I think he also called it a "Hail Mary."
Overall I really liked FLB and I actually read it in one day. As a matter of fact I couldn't sleep last night and kept picking up my Kindle device and would continue reading. Usually readers might say, "I couldn't put it down!" but I might say, "I couldn't leave it down." Over and over I picked up my device, opened the Kindle app, and continued from my last bookmark. Luckily for me Kindle apps save the bookmark for me and that's only one of the reasons I tend to almost only read digital. I will buy a paperback or a hardcover version but only if I MUST read a book and there is no digital version.
But still FLB is not a "perfect book," far from it. Towards the end I think that Mr. Perry starts to repeat himself and I got the feeling that he was on a tight deadline and just hammered out the last few chapters. I don't know if he first created an outline -- I think that all authors should do so at an early phase in writing -- but I think a good outline would've really helped create a more polished effort. It's also the case that Mr. Perry has a tendency to use too many parentheticals and that becomes a bit of a distraction for the reader.
Not that it bothers me but it might bother some readers: Mr. Perry does discuss religion, or at least God, quite a bit towards the end. If religion is a turnoff, I think that FLB may not be for you. Mr. Perry does seem to think that God helped keep him alive, maybe even helped him break some addictions, and that is fine by me. I can't prove it either way, and it is Mr. Perry's memoir, so he has a right to think and write whatever he chooses. Personally, I appreciate his honesty.
Mr. Perry does admit going into open houses and swiping pain meds from home sellers and that reminded me a lot of Ryan Leaf. I think that Mr. Leaf used to do the same thing and it got that ex-NFL player quite a few years in prison for it. From a legal standpoint if I were Mr. Perry, and I were writing a memoir, I think I might not have disclosed this. I am not a lawyer and I don't know what legal troubles it could cause him now.
There has been quite a bit of noise about how Mr. Perry tends to "kiss and tell" and I think that's overblown a bit. He does discuss how he and Valerie Bertinelli made out within just a few feet of Eddie Van Halen, after Mr. Van Halen had passed out from drinking too much wine. Hey, I guess I've been there myself so I won't judge. Um, from Mr. Van Halen's perspective and not necessarily from Mr. Perry's. But Mr. Perry doesn't really dwell on it too much. I can understand how Ms. Bertinelli feels about the disclosure although of course Mr. Van Halen is no longer with us. If Mr. Van Halen were still alive I believe that Mr. Perry probably wouldn't even bring it up. Just a guess.
Well, if you're a fan of "Friends" and Matthew Perry, and you like to read memoirs, I'll give a fairly strong recommendation for "Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing." If you don't fit that criteria perhaps you might want to read something else. But if you're a fan of David Cassidy from "The Partridge Family" I'll recommend you pass on his memoir. Sometimes it's better to only remember the good things about your heroes, after all.
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